Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize