Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
