Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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