Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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