At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
