I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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