Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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