I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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