if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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