grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
