he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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