isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
