About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
