Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
