dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
