so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
