its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
