new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize