woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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