last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
North Korea, Best Korea!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
