This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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