Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
