I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
