You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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