He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
