DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
