Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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