I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
two words...techno handjob
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
