She is in my trunk
My cat gives me a boner
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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