Do you still have your period?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
