EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
