Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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