He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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