so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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