My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
