k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dicks are not precious.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
