I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
