i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
