this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
