I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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