this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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