I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
