it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
