How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
