so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
