weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
