worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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