So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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