I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize