you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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