she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
