Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
