you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
