I wish I could teleport
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
