my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
