just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
