hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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