for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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