I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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