grandma shit on top of the toilet
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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