Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
