Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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