I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize