I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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