If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
