He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
