At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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