ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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